Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I'm Juggernaut Bitch!!!

I know, I know...very few updates, stories, or articles as of late...but they will come...busy, busy, busy...
besides...I'M JUGGERNAUT BITCH!!!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

We will return to reporting when the news is horrific...

Who wants an appletini instead of a news report? i do...
Coulter criticizes Clinton and several of the 9/11 victims families...what is the result...A #1 book!!!
Iranian leader is at a Shanghai summit...ahhhhhh, don't let these guys in the same room, and you know Russia will show up uninvited, crap...watch Dr. Strangelove to see why...
An earthquake swarm has attacked Alaska...we will start searching for the quakes' WMDs shortly...
okay...so there is news...
I'm waiting for all of these items to come to a head...and pop...when they do...
An Open Eyes Dream Story will return!!!
busy times folks...

Friday, June 09, 2006

CORRECTION: The Dallas Mavericks are Israel's public enemy #1...not Iran...

  • Israel and God both want the Miami Heat to win!
  • The Dallas Mavericks owner, Mark Cuban said he considered calling Palestinian forces and Iran's president to have them pray for the Mavericks' victory over the Israeli Heat, but decided not to take the situation any further.

    Saturday, June 03, 2006

    ANNA NICOLE AND BLOWING CANADA!!!

  • CANADA...would you miss it?
  • 17 Terror Suspects were arrested in Toronto today...
    Early reports indicate that a Hamas terror group was planning a major attack on Canadian soil. The group's leader INASH NOJEW, described as a Cat Stevens & Ted Nugent hybrid extremist, declared, "WE ARE GOING TO BLOW THE UNITED STATES' YAMAKA CLEAR OFF THE MAP! AND AFTER THE YAMAKA, WE WILL BLOW THE UNITED STATES' SHOFAR SHOES OFF THE MAP! F#$K MEXICO AND CANADA!"
    George Clooney quickly responded, "Well at least they're using hybrids!"
    After we explained to Mr. Clooney that their was no mention of a hybrid vehicle, he shouted, "FINE!!! Have you seen Brad Pitt's baby...name means the New Messiah, I mean Christ...the New Messiah, I HAVE AN OSCAR NOW! RESPECT ME!!! EVERYONE LOVES GEORGE!!!

  • BIGGEST NEWS OF THE CENTURY - ANNA NICOLE SMITH IS PREGNANT!!!
  • When we spoke to Fatty Smith about the pregnancy and who the father was...she answered, "It doesn't matter who the father is or isn't, it could be several people, places, or things. I just pray that this child is born old and rich. If it's old and rich, I'll marry it, touch its genitals until I'm written into its will, and then talk it to death. I'm good at that...talking too much...and elderly oral sex. After a couple trips down that wrinkled totem pole, you start to forget what you're even doing."
    SAVE DARFUR!!! NO!!! SAVE AMERICA!!! SAVE AMERICA FROM ANNA NICOLE SMITH'S OFFSPRING...I MEAN F#$K, WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO REPRODUCE...look at her...ughhhhhhh!!!