NEWS, NEWS, NEWS...

WTF, Grandma?

And I thought the only thing I could teach you was how to update your iPod.

The 2000 Club?

Umm…doubtful. Are you sure it was 2000 lbs? Are you sure it wasn't…nothing? (credit to Family Guy)

Fake-ticiles wasn't pithy enough.

I don't know what's most ridiculous: the concept, the name, the flash animation, the price, or the fact that if someone neutered me, I would probably get them. P.S. Please don't neuter me.

The definition of cute:

Also, a metaphor for what love really is.

Vampire activist.

If you would like to interview him, Tuesday he's doing Crossfire to bash the wooden stake lobby, he's picketing a crucifix factory on Thursday, and on Friday he's got a sitdown on the Hill with the Van Helsings to discuss ending hostilities.

Unnecessary Censorship w/ Jimmy Kimmel

It's funny because he's not in it.

Bugs in blackface:

Huge collection of inappropriate cartoons.

The John Swift burger:

Also known as the Modest Proposal sandwich or the California Cheeseburger. Because in California, they eat babies. True story.

What do you get when you cross a lemur and a transformer:

Optimus Prime just rolled over in his grave. What? He's not dead? Really? Are you sure? I thought he committed suicide? Wasn't he OCD, and like, he just couldn't take it anymore? What? Family Feud? Whatever.

So the egg people got to you, too?

I never though I would see the day when Professor John Brookfield, specialist in evolutionary genetics at University of Nottingham, would sell out to the egg lobbyists. BTW, there's no way that's a real school. I read Robin Hood. That's what I meant: I watched the movie Robin Hood. That's what I meant: the Disney version. And yes, Maid Marion was hot for a cartoon fox that was probably slightly underage.
(courtesy Jesse Woo)