Friday, May 12, 2006

BRANGELINA IS BORN!!!


We are happy to break the news to the public...BRANGELINA HAS ARRIVED!!!
(...and even uglier than expected)
The famous offspring of the two Hollywood megastars is already pissed at the paparazzi. Only two hours old, the now officially named 'Brangelina', became overwhelmed by the onslaught of paparazzi and tried to commit suicide. 'Brangelina' immediately regretted the decision to try and choke itself with its own umbilical cord, and added, "It's going to be a hard life." For some ridiculous reason, we chose not to question the fact that a newborn was already speaking perfect English. Instead we asked about the possibility of a Mr. and Mrs. Smith sequel featuring the ugly child. Brangelina's answer..."Waaahhhh, I want my mommy."
Now since this is just a satirical announcement, we will refuse to respond to that comment.
We will however respond to the whole cultural obsession with this beautiful couple's soon to be beautiful child...
"WHO THE F*$K CARES!!!" (find another hobby folks)...

Okay...so we attacked the nation's 'brangelina' obsession...what is next?
Let's start with another hiccup in race relations...
  • My teacher is convinced, "blacks are inferior to whites"...it's history, science, it's fact...
  • And what about those crazy Brits? ...this explains their teeth...
  • So what's with the smell? ...oh, okay...it's stilton...uhhhh
  • BAD TEETH, BAD SMELL...and yet they can still manage to get laid at age ELEVEN!!!
  • Okay...so enough with the Brits...the US has plenty more to discuss...from Florida to California it's gettin' rough out here...
  • Alligator Stalked Jogger
  • MySpace 'Poser' Arrested For Attempted Sexual Battery
  • the NEW DISEASE TO WORRY ABOUT!!!
  • Cripple CAN WALK!!!